28
Do I feel the assurance of the Spirit that I am a child of God?
There are so many decisions to make every day. Some decisions seem to have some hefty consequences, while others are so small our brain barely registers that we’ve made a decision at all! It’s estimated that, based on impulsive and logical thinking, the average adult makes around thirty-five thousand decisions each day. As a parent of three little human beings, I find that my need to make more decisions seems to have grown exponentially. I remember when they were babies and looking down at them while they slept so peacefully and calmly. As their eyes fluttered with dreams and involuntary smiles crept across their faces, I would allow my thoughts to wander to all the decisions that they would face. We live in a world that contains so much turmoil and access and so many choices that I couldn’t even conceive of what they would face. Yet, with all that was running through my mind, I would look down and see their eyes flutter and wonder if they had any idea how I desperately wanted to create a way for them in the world. I wonder if this is the same way that Mary looked at Jesus as she held him as a wiggly, squirmy infant?
As my kids have grown up, our relationship has changed. They no longer snooze in my arms with their sleepy eyelids fluttering while in dreamland. Times of tantrums, disobedience, and independence have also entered into our routine. They don’t behave perfectly (nor do I). They push boundaries trying to discover where I end and they begin, and sometimes they are downright disagreeable (as am I). But there is one thing that has been our constant through these years: love.
If we’ve had a particularly hard day, it is not unusual for one of them to find me later after the tears have dried and the dust has settled and say, “Momma, I’m sorry for what happened. Do you still love me?”
This question without fail takes my breath away. My first thought always is, how could they think there is anything they could do that would make me stop loving them? My second thought is, I’m a failure of a parent if they don’t know I will love them no matter what! And usually, my third thought is, this is the same love God has for me. Nothing they could do would make me decide to stop loving them. This is when I feel the assurance that I am a child of God. There is nothing that we can do to separate ourselves from God’s love for us.
When we look at our own and others’ decisions, it can be really easy to hold up a critical lens and see all the mishaps and mistakes we’ve made. We judge our mistakes through our human understanding, assigning our worth based on whether we are “good” or “bad.” But Paul helps us see the depths of God’s love in Romans 8:38-39 (NLT):
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I am blown away time and time again by how often I underestimate God’s love for me. Not only does God love me completely, with my bad mistakes and bad decisions, and without restriction, God loves each and every one of us deeply and completely. We are children of God. People I struggle with, God loves. People I disagree with, God loves. People who challenge, God loves. God loves them completely with mistakes and bad decisions, and without restriction. Not only does the thought of this take my breath away, it moves me to tears. I am a beloved child of God, and so are you. God’s love for me is deeper than my comprehension of love, and for that I am truly grateful. May we feel the assurance that we are children of God!
Rev. Kim Montenegro